Chuck and Devon vs Psychotic Mood Shifts
by SamanthaLisaWalkerfan101
Summary: Basically Chuck and Devon aka Captain Awesome have to deal with something I assume most men that are in relationships with women face at some point. Rated T because I felt like T was appropriate. **Updated 8/7/2011** Not edited.
1. Prologue

"This is _not _awesome," Devon said, looking at the seemingly millions of choices on the shelf. "How do we know which ones to get?"

"I have _no _clue, dude," Chuck said. "I'm just glad to get out of that house."

"Me too, bro," Devon said, "but we need to pick. What is Sarah's favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Rocky road," Chuck said, pulling a pint of ice cream out of the freezer.

"Okay, Ellie's is mint chocolate chip," Devon said, getting a pint of ice cream from the freezer.

"All set?" Chuck asked. "We have their favorites. We don't need more, right?"

"I don't think so," said Devon. "Do we have everything?"

The two looked at the contents of their cart. It was filled with packages of cookies, chips, soup, soda, pickles, yogurt, and ice cream.

"Man, you'd think they're pregnant," Devon said.

"Haha, yeah," Chuck laughed. "But there's no way Sarah's pregnant."

"You never know," Devon said.

"Trust me," Chuck said. "I know."

"Whatever you say, man" Devon said. "But I just noticed we're missing one thing."

"What?" asked Chuck.

"You know," whispered Devon. "_Female products_."

"Oh," Chuck said. "Let's go get them then."

"Right behind you, Chuck," Devon said.

Chuck took a deep breath and started pushing the cart out of the ice cream aisle. Devon followed close behind.

_It can't be that bad, right? _Chuck asked himself as he maneuvered through the grocery store. _Guys buy their girlfriends this stuff all the time. Nothing to be embarrassed about._

_I can't believe we're actually doing this, _Devon thought as he and Chuck came closer to the personal hygiene section of the store. _One of the most embarrassing things a guy can do._

"Remember our contingency plan?" Chuck asked, stopping just outside of the aisle with the feminine products.

"You mean our only plan?" Devon asked.

"Yeah," Chuck nodded.

"Yes," Devon said. "I remember."

"Then let's do this," Chuck said, a look of determination on his face.

Chuck pushed the cart while trying not to hit the few other people that were also in the aisle. And Devon grabbed various packs of tampons and maxi pads off of the shelf as quickly as he could.

"How many?" Devon asked, his arms full.

"That _should _be plenty," Chuck said as he helped Devon load the packages into the cart.

"Good," Devon said. "We're done."

"Yep," Chuck said. "All we have to do now is pay for all of it."

"Great," Devon sighed.

Devon took the cart this time and Chuck led the way to the checkout lines.

_That went well, _Chuck thought. _The aisle was almost empty and no one gave us any trouble._

_Man, that was awful, _Devon thought. _There were people in that aisle. But not just people, chicks. And they were looking at me and Chuck like we were crazy. I'm glad we're almost done._

They reached the lines and Chuck picked the one with the fewest people. Unfortunately, the line was still eight people long.

"Guess we'll just have to wait," Chuck said, grabbing a magazine from the little stand by the candy.

"Fine," Devon said, also taking a magazine.

Chuck started flipping through the issue of _People _he was holding.

_Let's see, _he mused. _The Jonas Brothers talk about their purity rings. Boring. Miley Cyrus thinking about taking on more mature roles. So she can get "the beesst of both worlds". More mindless Hollywood crap. What a surprise. Hey, this looks interesting._

"After months of waiting and numerous campaigns, fans get an answer from NBC," Chuck read aloud. ""It's good news and bad news," says a representative of NBC. "The good news is that the fans will get their show back, but there will be a budget cut. The bad news is that, due to scheduling, it won't be back until March." So, fans, there you have it. The show _Casey _will be coming back...in March."

_Who would name a show "Casey"? _thought Chuck. _But whatever. Stupid move by NBC. Way to lose viewers._

"Hey, Chuck," Devon said. "Our turn."

"Huh?" asked Chuck, looking up to see Devon loading things on the conveyor belt. "Oh, right."

Chuck placed the magazine back in its place and then started to help Devon with the groceries.

"My, my, boys," said the middle-aged cashier, "looks like you have some problems. Why do you need so many tampons?"

"My sister and my girlfriend are having some _trouble _and we were sent to the store," Chuck told the woman.

"I see," said the cashier, "but this is enough tampons to last for at least two years."

"Well, ma'am, we aren't sure which ones to get," explained Devon.

"Don't "ma'am" me. It makes me feel old," said the cashier. "Please call me "Mary"."

"Um, okay, Mary," began Chuck, "what do we do?"

"Put all of this back and start again," Mary said. "My shift's over now, so I'll help."

"Thanks, Mary," Devon said. "But can't we just buy this?"

"If you want to spend over a hundred dollars for melted ice cream and pads that those girls don't need right now, be my guest," Mary said, scanning a jar of pickles.

"No, we don't," said Chuck, taking a deep breath. "We'd be glad if you would help us, right, Devon?"

"Yeah, sure," Devon said. "Please."

"Smart boys," Mary said, smiling and quickly cancelling the purchase.

She placed all of the things back into the cart and closed her register in less than five minutes.

"Ready, boys?" Mary asked, leading them toward the hygiene aisle.

"As ready as we'll ever be," Chuck said, following Mary.

"This is _not _awesome," muttered Devon, following behind Chuck.

* * *

_A/N: Lots of dialogue and almost no description. I know. Sorry. Also unedited. Double sorry._

_Hope you like the idea at least. :)_

_Thanks go to Zerectica (Amazing author and person, so check her stories out.) for pretty much telling me to write and finish this chapter/part because I have "a lot" of unfinished fics. Thanks, Z! :D_


	2. Day 1

**A/N: Blame Coffee (Sm93Starbuck) for this update. Kidding, she just really wanted PMS. :P**

**Thanks go to Z (Zerectica) for editing. :)**

**OC (Verkisto), I'm blaming you for stuff too. Yep. So...blame OC for the mention of pickles. :P**

**As always, read, try to enjoy, and review! :D**

* * *

Chuck and Devon gathered the grocery bags out of the trunk of Devon's blue Ford Mustang convertible.

"We did pretty well, I think," Chuck said, picking up the last bag and shutting the trunk.

"Yeah," Devon agreed, shifting the two bags he was carrying so that he had a better hold, "thanks to Mary."

"Man, were we lucky to find her," Chuck said, holding the one bag he got out of the trunk and fishing in his pocket for Devon's keys. "Thanks for letting me drive."

"No problem, bro," Devon said. "Lock the doors, okay? I'm heading inside."

"All right," Chuck said, locating the keys and bringing them out of his pocket. "Be careful."

"You bet, dude," Devon said, walking away.

Chuck walked towards the driver's side door and inserted the key. He turned the key to the right twice to lock all of the doors. Devon's car was awesome, but it lacked the remote control that most cars had.

Having successfully locked the doors, Chuck shoved the keys back into his pocket and walked towards the apartment. When he got there, he found Devon standing outside the door still holding the grocery bags.

"Why didn't you go in?" he asked Devon.

"Well, I was going to," Devon said, "but I heard _yelling_ and decided to wait for you since I can't defend myself with my arms full."

"Oh," Chuck said, nodding his head. He didn't blame Devon one bit. Ellie and Sarah could be pretty scary. "Then let's go inside."

"After you," Devon said, gesturing with his head that his arms were full.

"Right," Chuck said, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes, and opening the front door. "Guys, we're home!"

"Good!" he heard Sarah yell from somewhere in the house. "You two were supposed to be here _an hour _ago!"

Chuck ignored Sarah's yelling. By now, he was used to it. He opened his eyes then and saw that the entire living room was nothing but a huge mess. There were clothes, food containers, candy wrappers, magazines, books, and other various items laying everywhere.

"How does it look?" asked Devon, who had never actually came in the house.

"Almost exactly how we left it," Chuck said, his voice slightly positive.

"That's good," Devon said, walking into the house.

"Should we start putting this stuff away?" asked Chuck, wondering where the girls were.

"Probably," Devon said, "especially since right now the coast is clear."

"Yeah, where are Ellie and Sarah?" Chuck asked rhetorically, walking towards the kitchen.

"No clue," Devon answered, following him, "but we know that Sarah's here. I heard her yell at you a minute ago."

"Oh, that," Chuck said, turning the corner and entering the kitchen. "She was just happy because we're back."

"Yeah," Devon said sarcastically, "I'm sure that's what it was."

"Let's just put these away before they find us," Chuck said, placing his bag on the counter.

"Good idea, bro," Devon said, placing his bags on the counter as well.

The two men unloaded the items onto the kitchen counter. They were careful to leave any feminine products in the bags. Once the jar of pickles, pints of ice cream, chocolate, and other various items were all laid out, they put them away. All of this was done in relative silence because they were both on guard for footsteps made by their lovely girls.

Just as Chuck finished putting the last of the groceries away, he heard Sarah and Ellie come stomping into the kitchen.

"Where have you two been?" asked Ellie angrily.

"Um, babe," Devon said, "we went to the store...like you said to."

"I know what I said, _babe_," Ellie said, still angry. "But you were supposed to be here like an hour ago."

"I told Chuck that when they got here," Sarah said, "but he just ignored me."

Chuck didn't have a witty reply to this and Devon, well, he knew better than to talk to Sarah when she was angry. But, of course, all the two men got for their respectful silence were two very nasty looks.

Not really being the silent type, Chuck decided to talk.

"Look," he said, "we're sorry. We got held up."

"Unless you actually were held hostage," Sarah said, "you have no excuse. And if you were, in fact, held hostage, why DIDN'T YOU CALL?"

Sarah accompanied this with a not-so-gentle slap on Chuck's arm.

"Ow!" Chuck yelped. "Geeze, no we were not held up that way. But this nice, middle-aged woman practically forced us to redo all of our shopping."

"A _nice _woman _forced _you to redo all of your shopping?" Sarah asked, clearly not believing a word Chuck said.

"I know that it doesn't sound plausible," Chuck began, "but she did. Devon knows. Right, Devon?"

Devon hadn't said anything since Chuck began talking. The girls just about forgot he was even there. But because Chuck had called attention to Devon by asking him a question, the two girls focused all of their attention on him. And that made Devon nervous.

"Uh, yeah," Devon said, trying to sound confident, "there was this woman at the register and she said that we didn't do all of our shopping 'the right way'. I asked her if we had to redo all of the shopping, you know, and she, like Chuck said, forced us to."

"Uh-huh," Ellie said, then she turned towards Sarah. "I believe them."

"You do?" asked Sarah, sounding a little surprised.

"Yeah, those two are clueless when it comes to shopping," Ellie said, "even with lists."

Chuck and Devon wanted to protest. To defend themselves. But they knew better.

"Oh, I know," Sarah said, focusing all of her attention on Ellie. "One time, Chuck and I went to the movies. And I asked him to buy us some popcorn and drinks and stuff while I went to pick out our seats. He had to come find me five minutes later because he forgot what I asked for!"

"That's bad," Eliie agreed, forgetting that Devon and Chuck were listening to the conversation, "but it's nothing compared to what Devon did this one time."

"What'd he do?" asked Sarah, who also forgot all about the two men standing right in front of her.

"It was his day off, right?" Ellie said, more or less. "And I happened to be working a double shift. Not fair, by the way. So before I left, I asked him to _please _run to the store and pick something for dinner. I come back and he has like bags and containers of nothing but junk food. I asked him _why _he bought all of that for _dinner._ And do you know what he said?"

"No," Sarah said, hanging onto every word Ellie said. "What'd he say?"

"He said it was because he didn't want me to have to worry about cooking since I worked all day!" Ellie said, sounding completely amused. "As if I had _planned _to cook. I had wanted him to cook dinner. Just _once._"

"Ugh, why are men such jerks?" asked Sarah.

"I don't know," Ellie said, shaking her head. "I just don't know."

Neither Chuck nor Devon could handle being silent any longer. They weren't jerks. And even if they happened to seem to act that way sometimes, they didn't want to hear about it.

"Sorry, babe," Devon said, because he really couldn't think of anything better to say.

This called Ellie and Sarah's attention back to the two men. Which, in hindsight, both men seem to think was a mistake.

"What are you sorry for?" Ellie asked, slightly surprised that the two men were still there.

"I...um....uh," Devon said as eloquently as possible, "don't know."

"Oh," Ellie said in that way only girls seem to be able to master, "so you're just saying that you're sorry because you think that that's what I want to hear?"

"Well," Devon said, thinking about his response, "um, yeah."

"Oh, dude," Chuck said, "_big mistake_."

"And what about you, Chuck?" Sarah asked. "Why don't you ever apologize to me?"

Devon and Ellie stopped trying to talk to each other and turned their attention towards Chuck and Sarah.

"Uh," Chuck said, "I, um, apologize. I apologize quite often, I think."

"Nuh-uh," Sarah said. "In fact, I can't remember one time that you told me you were sorry."

"Then you have a bad memory because I've told you that I was sorry multiple times," Chuck said, immediately regretting the words.

"I have a _bad memory_?" Sarah asked. "Oh, really? Because I seem to remember that you _broke up with me several times over the last two years! _And I remember _that you never listen to what I say! _And I also remember _that, uh, that __**I hate you!**_"

Chuck knew that Sarah didn't mean it. Or he thought that she didn't. Either way, he didn't take offense. He just used the response that his mother always did when he or Ellie happened to say those three little words.

"I love you too, Sarah," he said, not really thinking about what he was saying.

To this admission of love, Chuck received an excited squeal from Ellie, an "Awesome." from Devon, and very angry look from Sarah.

"What?" Sarah asked, sounding extremely angry and a bit surprised.

"I, um, said that I love you," Chuck explained, "but, uh, it was just what Mom used to tell Ellie and me when we would scream 'I hate you!' like you did."

"So you didn't mean it?" Sarah asked, now looking like she was about to cry.

There was a long silence then. No one moved a muscle. All eyes were on Chuck. And that made Chuck really, really scared.

_Crap! _he thought. _Does she want me to say that I meant it? To solidify our cover? Or because she wants me to say that I mean it? Do I mean it? _

Chuck didn't really want to answer Sarah. Not in front of his sister or Devon. So he tried changing the subject. He just hoped that it would work.

"Um," he started, "we can talk about that later. But I know what we all love. Ice cream! And Devon and I bought some special just for you and Ellie."

To Chuck's utter amazement, Sarah and Ellie both seemed to completely forget about everything, including his use of the "L" word, except the ice cream. The two women pushed past Chuck and Devon to get into the kitchen. Once inside the kitchen, they made their way towards the freezer and the ice cream.

Chuck and Devon went into the kitchen after the banging quieted down. They found Ellie and Sarah both sitting on the counter eating the ice cream straight out of the containers. Without spoons. So, of course, they were both covered in ice cream from the chest up. And their arms were all sticky as well. Neither looked like they cared though.

"Let me help you guys with that," Chuck said, going to the silverware drawer and pulling out two spoons.

He handed Ellie her spoon first because she was closest to him. He was careful not to touch Ellie though. He didn't want to get ice cream on himself. But when he went to hand Sarah hers, she pulled him to her, got rocky road ice cream on the front of his shirt, and whispered in his ear, "We'll talk about the 'L' word later." Then she took the spoon and started happily eating her ice cream again.

As for Chuck, he quietly left the kitchen, went to his room to change his shirt, and tried to hide as best he could.


	3. Day 2

_A/N: It's that time of the month again, guys. The time where I feel like posting, write a quick something, post it (usually unedited), and ask you for reviews. So, obviously, you know the drill. Read, enjoy, and review! :D_

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* * *

  
_

Devon and Ellie had left to spend some quality time together per Ellie's orders, so when Chuck arrived home from work, he knew that it was just going to be him and Sarah. He, a nerdy government asset, and she, a PMS'ing CIA spy.

_This is going to go well, _he thought sarcastically as he opened the front door.

"Honey, I'm home!" he called jokingly.

"Hello, Chuck," Sarah replied from where she was sitting on he couch. She sounded like she had been crying.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Chuck asked as he made his way to the couch. "Why are you crying?"

"They killed her," Sarah cried, burying herself in Chuck's embrace.

"Killed who, sweetie?" Chuck asked, concerned. He hugged Sarah closer to him as he rubbed her back.

"Stacie," Sarah sniffly replied.

"And who's Stacie?" Chuck asked, urging her to go on with her story so that he could comfort her properly.

"Adam Baldwin's partner," Sarah answered, calming down. "On the show _Casey, _Carrie Underwood plays an agent named Stacie Wilcox and they just killed her...I think."

_She's upset that a fictional character almost died? _Chuck asked himself. _How am I supposed to comfort her?_

"Maybe she's not dead," Chuck told Sarah. "What exactly happened?"

"Well," Sarah said, sitting up so that she could look at Chuck, "Casey is an ex-military, ex-spy guy. But he still goes on some missions or whatever. And Stacie is his partner from his last mission. The one he had before he 'retired'. For the last seven episodes they've had to solve little missions and try to track down Casey's last asset. We, viewers, don't know the asset's name. Casey only refers to him as 'the idiot'. Stacie and Casey finally tracked down the asset by finding his other partner who had fallen for the asset. Things happened and Yvonne, she was Casey's partner before she fell in love, shot Stacie and then there was a commercial."

"I see," Chuck said, nodding his head. "Maybe she was wearing a vest. Agents wear vests and if they thought Yvonne was dangerous..."

"Maybe," Sarah said, turning back to the television and resting her head on Chuck's shoulder. "Ooohhh! It's back on!"

"Yay," Chuck said, smiling at Sarah's excitement. "Now let's see if Stacie died or not."

"Shhhh!" Sarah shushed him.

Chuck obeyed Sarah's command. He didn't want to end up hurt. And they both watched the show in hope that Carrie Underwood's character had been smart enough to put on a vest and save herself from a bullet.

* * *

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Ellie was practically dragging Devon through the mall. Of course, Devon had to be compliant and agree to everything she said because otherwise he would have to face PMS Ellie. And _that _was just something he wasn't willing to do.

"Okay, Devon," Ellie said, "I know you don't like this, but one more store. Then we can go home, all right?"

"Sure, sweetie," Devon said with a fake smile.

"Good," Ellie said, walking off in the direction of the last store. "Grab the bags."

"Yes, honey," Devon said, picking up the twenty or so bags filled with all of Ellie's purchases. He followed Ellie as fast as he could.

The couple reached the store in less than a five minute walk. Unfortunately for Devon, the store was Victoria's Secret. So not only was he supposed to follow Ellie around the store like a puppy, he could not stare at the items offered for sale nor could he recommend she buy any of the said items for sale.

_Great, _he thought to himself. _Maybe I can get out of it..._

"Hey, Ellie," he began, "do you think that maybe while you shop in here that I can go to the sporting goods store?"

"No, Devon," Ellie said. "We are supposed to be spending time together. And, so far, you haven't paid any attention to me."

"What?!" Devon exploded. He was tired of being bossed around. "I've done nothing _but _pay attention to you. Ever since 'that stupid time of the month' came, you've been nothing but emotional. One moment I'm useless. The next you need me. Then I'm bugging you and you want me to go away. Then you cry because I 'abandoned' you. I'm tired of it. All I want is to go next door while you shop in here."

"Fine," Ellie sniffled. "Go!"

Ellie ran off to the other side of the store. She was crying and Devon felt bad, but he had just wanted to prove a point. He had lost control of himself. PMS was stressing. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know what came over to him.

He followed the sound of Ellie crying. When he found her, he realized that he didn't know what to say.

"What is it?" Ellie asked, anger in her voice but tears in her eyes.

"Ellie, look," Devon said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I would never hurt you. I just...these last few days have been hard."

"I know," Ellie said, wiping away her tears, "and I'm sorry you and Chuck have to put up with us. But we can't help it."

"And that's okay," Devon said, wrapping Ellie in a hug as best he could with the bags he was carrying. "I just think that sometimes maybe we should spend a little bit of time apart when you girls are like this. So that we don't end up in a fight."

"I can understand that," Ellie said. "I'll talk to Sarah about it."

"Good," Devon said.

"Devon?" asked Ellie.

"Yes, babe?" Devon answered.

"Take me home," she said. "Please."

"But you didn't finish your shopping," Devon said.

"That's okay," Ellie said. "I'll get whatever I need later. Right now, I just need to go home. Maybe take a nap."

"Okay, babe, you got it."

With his arm around Ellie, Devon made his way out of the store.

* * *

"Well, that was an interesting show," Chuck said.

"Yep," Sarah agreed happily. "Best episode yet. And the great part was that Stacie didn't die."

"Nope," Chuck said, "she wore a vest. Just like I told you."

"Glad that she did," Sarah said. "It would have been sad if Casey's partner died and he had to work all by himself."

"You know," Chuck said, "Casey seemed to want to work by himself in some of those flashback scenes."

"He used to," said Sarah, "but he respects Stacie. She's a good partner."

"Yeah," Chuck agreed, "I saw that."

The two grew silent. They were both happy and content. Neither wanted to ruin the moment. Sarah snuggled herself closer to Chuck and he wrapped his arms around her. They looked liked the perfect couple. And, even better, they felt like the perfect couple.

They were so comfortable in each other's arms that they fell asleep right there on the couch.

* * *

Devon and Ellie arrived home at last. They had been stuck in traffic for hours. Devon quickly grabbed the bags out of the trunk, with some help from Ellie, and the two entered the apartment. The first thing they saw was Chuck and Sarah curled up together on the couch.

"AWW!" Ellie squealed as quietly as she could. She didn't want to wake the sleeping couple.

"Hey, babe," Devon whispered, "let's go put these things away and give them a little privacy."

"Okay," Ellie slowly agreed, leading the way to the bedroom.

Devon followed her, but not before turning around and saying, "Awesome, bro."

"Devon," Ellie called, already halfway down the hall, "are you coming?"

"Yes, babe," Devon quietly called back. "I'm coming."


	4. Day 3

_A/N: Ah, I love going back through all of my unfinished fics to realize that I completely forgot what I had "planned" out for them. Luckily, I still know how I want to end this one. _

_Sorry for the two people who wanted updates of this fic back when, you know, I was still writing it. I got side-tracked. And you can ask many of the Chuck authors in the TWoP board here at FF, because they'll tell you I'm easily side-tracked and never finish a thing (which I'm working on. I promise). _

_I started this story almost exactly a year ago and I'm only on day three. It's amazing that Ellie and Sarah aren't pregnant by now…or are they? Read on to find out (and please review when you're done)! ;)_

_

* * *

_

The Bartowskis were a peculiar bunch. Abandoned early in life by their parents, the two found unusual ways to cope with pain. Chuck was fond of keeping quiet until his mind and body succumbed to the pain and, sometimes, he spiraled into a nasty depression. Ellie, however, liked to cook. She loved baking especially. She thought that if she was doing something productive, like baking cookies or brownies to serve whilst entertaining guests when they came to visit and question them about their parents' whereabouts, then she wouldn't have time to wallow in self-pity. That's why she was in the kitchen, many years later, preparing to bake twelve apple pies, to cope with the monthly pain commonly referred to as PMS.

"Devon!" she yelled into the phone. "Where the heck are you? The oven's been pre-heated for fifteen minutes! The apples are all cut up and mixed in with the sugar and spices and you still aren't here with the flour so that I can finally make the pie crusts!"

"I'm sorry," was Devon's feeble reply.

"'I'm sorry'? That's all you have to say for yourself?" Ellie asked rhetorically. She knew he wouldn't answer. "The homeless shelter is expecting twelve apple pies by noon! I need you to get your butt over here as soon as possible or all of those poor, hungry homeless people are going to go hungry! Do you want that, Devon? Do you really want to be responsible for the hunger of those poor people?"

"Of course not, babe," Devon answered. He hated when Ellie was angry. "It's just that I'm stuck in traffic right now. I should be home in twenty minutes."

Ellie let out a heavy sigh. "Promise?"

"I promise," Devon said, silently praying that the traffic would speed up.

"Okay, good," Ellie said, her tone of voice softening. "Love you."

"I love you too," a relieved Devon said before Ellie hung up the phone.

"Twenty minutes," Ellie said to herself as she set the kitchen timer for that exact time. "He better be, or else."

* * *

Sarah Walker handled pain in a different way than Ellie Bartowski. Being an ex-con artist and now a tough CIA agent, she had to be strong. Or if she couldn't be strong, she needed to use her weaknesses to play her targets and get what she wanted. That was why she was currently curled up on Chuck's bed, complaining loudly, with her head under his pillow.

"Chuck," Sarah whined in the most pitiful voice she could muster, "my head hurts really, really bad."

"I'm sorry," Chuck said in an effort to comfort her yet not get too close. Sarah was dangerous, especially when she wasn't feeling well. He had learned that the hard way earlier that day.

"Can you go get me some medicine?" pleaded Sarah. "I can't stand it anymore! My head is throbbing. I feel dizzy. And the stupid sun is blinding. It's freaking burning my eyes, even through this stupid pillow!"

Chuck grimaced when Sarah threw the pillow, not intentionally, in his direction and it hit his injured arm. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I really am. It sounds like you have a migraine but you've already had all of the medicine you can take for the next six hours."

"Ha ha," Sarah laughed sarcastically, hiding under the blankets. "A migraine. Good diagnosis, Chuck. Maybe you should become a doctor like you're sister. But I'll have you know that I don't get migraines. Never had one before in my life. And it's not in my family's medical history either. And there has to be some other kind of medicine that I haven't taken yet."

Chuck sighed, "Sarah, the hereditary link for migraines was only discovered in 2002. There are probably other ways a person could develop the condition. Yeah, you most likely inherited it from some ancient ancestor but—"

"There's no evidence of migraines in my family's medical history!" Sarah argued, cutting him off.

Clearing his throat, Chuck resumed what he was saying, "But migraines are even now commonly thought of as really bad headaches, so it's highly probable that there would be no record of it in your family's medical history. Also you have taken all of the ibuprofen and acetaminophen that you can take without a prescription. There's no other medicine that will help a migraine."

"Ugh," Sarah grunted. "It's _not _helping!"

"I think you should just get some sleep," Chuck suggested. "I'll bring you a wet washcloth to put over your eyes and you can rest for a little bit. It'll make you feel better. I promise."

"Sarah Walker does not take naps!" she seethed. "What am I a baby? My head hurts. That's all. And you know what will make it feel better, Chuck?"

Chuck stayed silent for a moment. He had to be cautious.

"Chuck?" Sarah asked. "Do you know what would make my headache feel better?"

"No, Sarah, I don't," Chuck replied. "What would make your migraine feel better?"

Sarah threw the blankets off her head so she could look Chuck in the eyes. "First, it's a headache, not a migraine. Second, I don't think you really want to know."

Chuck sighed. He hated when Sarah did this. "Yes, Sarah, I do want to know. What will make your _headache _feel better?"

"Weed," Sarah answered simply. "And sex."

Chuck gulped. That wasn't what he had expected Sarah to say at all. He didn't know what he actually expected her to say but that was _not_ it.

"Um, ha, uh," Chuck managed to squeak, "what was that? I don't think I heard you correctly."

Sarah laughed, "I think you did. Tell me, what do you _think _you heard me say I need?"

"An illegal substance?" Chuck asked.

"It's just a matter of time before it becomes legal, especially for medicinal purposes," Sarah rolled her eyes. "What else did I ask for, Chuck?"

This question caused Chuck to almost choke on the air he was breathing. Sarah was menstruating, for God's sake. Yeah, in that sex education class he took in 9th grade he learned that sexual intercourse was more than possible during a woman's "special time", even that it was thought of by some as better than normal intercourse because of the extra lubrication, but it was still gross to think about.

"Chuck?" Sarah prompted when he didn't respond.

"Sorry about that," Chuck said, "I, uh, you said you needed weed and, and sex."

"Good boy!" Sarah flashed him a smile. "Now, I want you to go get some weed from Casey. I know he has some. And go get some condoms from Devon or something. And I'll lay here and take a little 'nap' until you get back, okay?"

"Oh, 'kay," Chuck responded as he turned to leave the room. He couldn't think of anything else to say.

* * *

Devon arrived back at the house twenty-three minutes after his conversation with Ellie. He hoped that she wouldn't notice he was a little later than he had promised.

"You lying jerk!" Ellie exclaimed the moment he walked through the door.

_So much for her not noticing, _Devon thought as he mentally prepared himself for her wrath.

"You were just trying to leave me and Sarah all alone!" he heard Ellie yell as he rounded the corner, where he saw Ellie yelling not at himself, as he had suspected, but at Chuck.

"No, Ellie," Chuck said, for the hundredth time in as many seconds, "I really need to run out to the store. Sarah asked me to get something for her. And we're out. But you guys won't be alone because Devon's here!"

Chuck shot Devon an apologetic look before escaping the kitchen. Ellie, however, fixed Devon with a glare that made clear she was not pleased to see him.

"And _you," _she fumed, "were supposed to be here five minutes ago!"

"Traffic," Devon explained. "But I'm here now. And I have all of the ingredients you need."

He offered her the bags of ingredients, while suspiciously holding one arm behind his back.

While Ellie eagerly started setting the ingredients on the counter, with Devon unsuccessfully trying to help, he offered her the flowers and chocolate he had been holding behind his back. Ellie took one look at the chocolate, and bunch of her favorite flowers, and immediately stopped what she was doing. Her eyes got really big and a small smile formed on her face that reminded Devon of the face John Wayne Gacy had in his mug shot.

"Chocolate!" she shouted, although to Devon it sounded like a demonic howl. She managed to thank him before Sarah appeared in the kitchen.

"Did I hear someone say chocolate?" Sarah asked before spotting the box in Ellie's hand.

_Crap, _Devon thought. _Didn't think she'd be that fast. _

"Yeah," he answered Sarah, "I bought you some too. It's in that bag over there."

"Thanks, Devon!" Sarah gleefully responded. "Chuck hasn't bought me chocolate in like five hours."

"No problem," he said. "I'm just going to go watch TV or something. See you guys later."

"Bye," the girls mumbled, their mouths full.

After the two had eaten a good portion of their chocolate, Ellie asked, "Wanna help me bake some pies, Sarah?"

Sarah, of course, was a mess in the kitchen. But with the sugar rush from the chocolate and the fact that Chuck wasn't back from Casey's yet, she found herself agreeing to help if they could add a "special ingredient" Chuck was going to get her. Ellie, unknowingly, agreed.

* * *

Chuck was standing outside of Casey's apartment. He'd been standing there for the last ten minutes, ever since he left his room. He really didn't want to go to the store to buy condoms, not when Sarah was in her current state.

Finally, he managed to find enough courage to knock on the door. Casey answered the door before Chuck finished knocking.

"What is it, moron?" Casey asked, clearly upset that Chuck interrupted, well, whatever it was that Casey did on his days off.

"I, uh, well," Chuck laughed, "this is going to sound ridiculous but Sarah has a migraine and she said that you have -"

Before Chuck finished explaining, Casey shut the door on him.

_That went well, _Chuck thought sarcastically. Just as he was about to knock on the door again, Casey appeared.

"Now I don't like helping you out of your own mess, but this one really isn't your fault. God, Walker has a migraine, which she experiences quite often despite the fact she vehemently denies that there are no signs of migraines in her family's medical history, and she's menstruating. Must be hell for you," Casey laughed, although it sounded a little sympathetic. "Look, here's some marijuana. It should help relieve the migraine or, you know, at least get her high enough that she won't think about how much her head hurts. This is about enough for a pretty big drug bust so don't get caught. You won't believe what I had to go through the last time Carina was here. Also, here's a box of Walker's favorite condoms. I know it's kind of gross, but man up and don't think about it. Sex releases endorphins that not only help with migraines but also help with the cramps she gets when PMS'ing. Just make sure to do it on a towel so your sheets are spared and have a couple wipes ready for clean-up. Got it?"

"Um," Chuck began, shocked, "yeah. Yeah, sure."

Casey handed Chuck the supplies and, once again, shut the door on him.

Chuck stood there for a minute, stunned. _How does he know what kind of condoms Sarah likes? I don't even know that._

Chuck walked back to his apartment. Before going in, he hid the weed in the crotch of his jeans. There was a now a larger bulge there than normal, and if he was honest with himself Chuck would note that it was quite a larger bulge than normal, but Sarah would probably enjoy it and it's not like anyone else paid that much attention to that area of his jeans. There really was no sense letting Ellie or Devon catch him with it. Once the baggie Casey had given him was safely tucked away, he walked into the apartment.

Devon was sitting on the couch when Chuck walked in.

"Dude, they're in the kitchen," Devon warned, "and if I were you, I'd stay out of there. They seem pretty normal at the moment."

Chuck was tempted to heed Devon's warning but he knew Sarah would be upset if she didn't get what she asked for. He bravely shrugged off Devon's suggestion and walked into the kitchen.

"Chuck!" both Sarah and Ellie exclaimed with joy. "You're here!"

"Ha ha, yeah, I am," Chuck said. "Sarah, can I see you in the other room for a minute?"

Sarah giggled and rolled her eyes, "Not now, Chuck. I'm helping Ellie bake."

"Yeah, but, Sarah," Ellie began, "you said Chuck was getting you a special ingredient for the pies. They're almost ready to put the top crust on; we just need the ingredient."

"Oh, right!" Sarah hopped off her perch on the kitchen counter. "Be right back."

She led Chuck out of the kitchen and into his room so fast Chuck barely knew what was going on.

"Where is it?" she asked, cutting to the chase.

Chuck fumbled the bag out of his pocket and offered it to her, "Here. And Casey gave me some condoms too."

"Oh, great!" Sarah cried happily, taking both the weed and the condoms. "Casey always has those special condoms I like. Why don't you get the towels ready and we'll use Casey's gift after I help Ellie with the pies?"

"Um…" Chuck groaned. "I, uh, sure?"

"Good boy," Sarah said, patting him on the head and leaving the room, thankfully, without the "special" condoms.

* * *

"I'm back!" Sarah announced as she made her way back in the kitchen. "Did you miss me?"

"You bet I did," Ellie said, distractedly messing with the pie crusts. "Got the stuff?"

"Would I disappoint?" Sarah asked with a wink.

"You sure didn't last week," Ellie smiled.

"Shh!" Sarah giggled. "We promised we wouldn't talk about last week."

"Aw, what's the big deal?" Ellie asked. "We were drunk. We're both attractive. And the guys haven't exactly been paying too much attention to us lately."

"Yeah, well, that's going to change tonight for me and Chuck," Sarah said. "And you and Devon if you give him a taste of this pie."

"Yeah, right," Ellie said, "Devon will never agree to have sex with me when I'm 'like this.'"

Sarah just shrugged. "Here, help me put this on the pies."

"What is it?" Ellie asked.

"It's parsley mixed with peppermint," Sarah answered. "My grandma's secret recipe. Everyone _loved _her pies."

"Okay," Ellie said as she took some of the "special ingredients" from Sarah.

The two sprinkled the pies with almost half of the bag before Ellie deemed that it was time to cover the pies with the remaining crust and put them in the oven. Sarah claimed she was tired so Ellie had to do it herself, but she didn't mind. She was glad Sarah helped for a little while and, really, Sarah was a little clumsy in the kitchen.

"Bye, El," Sarah said as she walked back to Chuck's room.

"Have fun," Ellie said as Sarah departed.

* * *

A few hours later…

"How did you guys like the pie?" Ellie asked the group of homeless people as she was leaving the homeless shelter where she and Devon had volunteered to help serve meals that day.

"It was the best pie ever!" the group responded.

Ellie smiled, _Sarah knew what she was doing then. Thank God. _

_

* * *

_

_A/N: And there ya have it. Now it may not exactly be in the tone the other chapters were, because, let's face it, I started writing it a year ago and a lot has changed, including my writing style. If you have criticism (of the constructive variety), questions, concerns, or any other comments please review and/or PM me. I would love to hear from you. _

_I hope to update a lot sooner next time (hopefully with a beta).  
_

_XOXO, _

_SLWF _


	5. Day 4

_Author's note: Um, so, I probably should just forget about this story (and the million others I haven't finished). I did start it over two years ago, and it's still not even halfway finished. I'm lame. I know this. Sorry. In my defense though, how was I supposed to top weed and sex? _

_Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! Remember, this is a story set in an AU and it does not currently fit into any season (if you'll remember, in this story, Chuck and Sarah aren't even really together. This will be important later). Enjoy! Please read and review!_

_XOXO, _

_SLWF_

* * *

It was the fourth day of the Week of Never Ending Torture, and Chuck and Devon still had three more gloriously awful days to look forward to once this one was over. Women were normally confusing to the two, but their women were even more confusing when it was "that time of the month." And, unluckily for the guys, it _was_ that time of the month. The past three days had been the worst three days of their collective lives, and Chuck was used to being threatened with death on a weekly basis. Those days were beyond bad, and they could only assume it was going to get worse. The trends in Ellie's and Sarah's behavior practically screamed that it would get worse, fast.

That was why the two guys were outside in the courtyard now. They were afraid to go inside. They would rather stand out here with Casey, who was not exactly a fluffy pile of kittens himself, than face whatever wrathful vengeance they had waiting for them on the other side of the front door, their only barrier.

"I can't believe you guys are hiding from two women," Casey grunted, offering the two other men beers he had just retrieved from his apartment. "I mean, I know Sarah can be a bit cranky, but Ellie's harmless."

Both Chuck and Devon declined the offer of beer, much to Casey's dismay.

"They can smell alcohol from like thirty miles away!" Devon offered as an explanation.

"Yeah," Chuck agreed, "I think that they get like a super hyperaware sense of smell during this time. Devon and I tried to drink away the pain a few days ago, and, well, it did not end well. I still have the bruises to prove it."

Casey just laughed. He could deal with these women. Well, okay, he could deal with Ellie. She seemed sweet. He liked her. Sarah, well, Sarah was scary. She was a beast. She was the spawn of Satan during her time of the month. Casey knew from firsthand experience. PMS'ing Sarah Walker was a terror he would not wish on any man, not even Chuck on his most annoying days.

"So we were just thinking that we could hang out here with you, you know?" Devon said, breaking Casey out of his trance.

"Um, yeah," Casey agreed, even though he didn't want to. "But won't they be mad that you're not there?"

Chuck smiled, "They actually don't want us there. They said they needed some 'girl time' and wanted us out of the place, for now. Sarah said she'd call when they wanted us back."

"Yup," Devon said, "it was awesome. Like super awesome. But that was two hours ago, so Chuck and I came back. We were worried, right? I mean, we haven't heard from them or anything. Now that we're back though, we don't want to check in case _they kill us."_

"You guys are so stupid," Casey said, although he said it in a slightly comforting way. "They won't kill you. And since you guys have no intentions of going in right now, let's go back to my place. I feel like an idiot standing outside here like that."

Chuck and Devon agreed to go to Casey's, and the three of them made their way to his apartment as quickly as they possibly could.

* * *

Laughter. There was laughter floating through the halls of Casa Bartowski. Feminine laughter. Sarah and Ellie were _laughing. _It was the fourth day of their collective cycle, and the pain was starting to subside. They could feel their bodies going back to normal. They were feeling good. That was why they shooed the boys out of the house. They were finally feeling well enough to spend time together, quality time that they knew they needed. They still had a lot to learn about each other, despite that drunken night of passion. Besides, they couldn't very well let Chuck and Devon see them laughing. That would ruin the façade they so carefully put up. Letting them see them enjoying themselves might give the two men the wrong idea.

Sarah and Ellie were in Ellie's room, on the bed, painting each other's toes and gossiping about their significant others. They were also halfway watching some television show on Ellie's laptop.

"Oh my God!" Sarah squealed as she took a shot of tequila. "They are just so _in love _with each other!"

"Right?" Ellie agreed, also taking a shot. It was her idea to play the drinking game as soon as Sarah suggested the show. "I mean, they have just _got _to figure it out!"

They were watching _Rizzoli & Isles_, and they were having the grandest time playing a drinking game they found online. Not even halfway through the first episode, and both felt a little buzzed. It was not very bright of them to pick "reddish brown stain" as their drinking phrase, not to mention the other rules.

"Jane and Maura just stare at each other so much!" Sarah observed, taking yet another shot. "I think we might have to switch to beer, El. We're gonna be so plastered when the boys come home."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Ellie concurred, putting the tequila away. "And they'd never let us hear the end of it. Remember, we yelled at them for drinking just a couple days ago."

"Oh, yeah, I remember," Sarah said. "But it was their own fault. We needed attention, and they were too drunk to give it to us."

The two just nodded their heads, and continued to watch the screen. Their toes were drying, and there wasn't much more to say, at least not yet. Ellie wanted to be careful. She had seen how moody Sarah could get. Luckily, she could be equally as moody. It just wasn't the right time yet.

At the end of that first episode, Ellie and Sarah both thought it was safer to quit the drinking game. Neither liked being impaired, and alcohol definitely impaired the both of them when consumed as quickly as they had consumed it during the forty-two minute timeframe of the episode. They still continued to watch the show, however, because it was a good show.

Just as they were in the middle of the sixth episode of season one, and Sarah was screaming at the laptop, "Kiss her!", Ellie decided it was time to bring up the topic that had been bothering her ever since Sarah took up residence in the apartment with Chuck while she recovered.

"Hey, Sarah," she said, pausing the show, "I need to ask you something."

Sarah, visibly upset at having the show pause right before the two lead characters were going to kiss, or so she hoped, looked over at Ellie. "Sure, what is it?"

"Do you love my brother?" Ellie asked in a tone of voice that sounded very casual.

Taken off guard, Sarah was quiet for a moment. "Define 'love.'"

"You know," Ellie said, "like do you have strong romantic feelings for him? It seems like you do, but I know a few days ago, he said that he loved you and you kind of…reacted like it was the first time. Besides, there was that one night a week or so ago. I know it didn't mean anything. You've told me that, but, I mean, you know…if you love my brother then…well, that wasn't something that we had planned…and…"

"That's because it _was _the first time," Sarah said, interrupting Ellie and smiling as she remembered when Chuck had told her he loved her. "But, I don't know, Ellie, love is a really strong word, you know? I like Chuck, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure I love him."

"Are you sure you don't know?" Ellie asked, not willing to let the topic drop. "You look at him like Jane looks at Maura. I mean, you guys are so similar to those two. And I know he loves you."

Sarah took a moment to process that information. She had never thought to compare herself and Chuck to Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles, but as she was thinking about it, the comparison kind of fit. She was the strong, determined one with the gun, and Chuck was the nerdy one who retained a bunch of useless information that was nonetheless adorable when he shared it. Sure, there were major differences in the two couples, or non-couples, but at the core of it all, they were the same. Yes, Sarah was Chuck's protector, his handler, but Jane protected Maura. Yes, Sarah's job was to protect Chuck, they worked together, but so did Jane and Maura. If she wanted Jane and Maura to get together despite all odds, why couldn't she also want her and Chuck to get together? Maybe the reason she wanted Jane and Maura together in the first place was because they were so similar to herself and Chuck.

"Sarah? Hello, Sarah," Ellie said, breaking Sarah away from her thoughts. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

Exhaling a deep breath she didn't know she had been holding in, Sarah replied, "I think you have a point, El. I never thought about it that way before. Maybe I do love Chuck. Maybe."

That was good enough for Ellie who squealed with delight and hugged Sarah. "Yes! I knew it! I'm so glad! You are so good for him, Sarah. You have no idea."

And that was that. The topic was settled, at least for Ellie, who played the show again. Sarah, while trying to concentrate on the episode playing out in front of her, wasn't as satisfied. Did she love Chuck? She remembered that she had told him they would have to talk about his use of the "L word" later, when he had first uttered it, but the talk she had in mind at that time was a talk that was entirely different than the talk she now had in mind. She did love him.

"How did that happen?" she asked herself.

"Hmm?" Ellie asked, turning to look at Sarah.

"Nothing," Sarah quickly shook it off and turned her attention back to the show.

* * *

A few hours and several _Die Hard _movies later, Chuck and Devon were ready to go back home. Sarah hadn't called them yet, but they didn't care. They were willing to face any wrath. Hanging out with Casey wasn't as much of a respite as they had hoped it would be. Saying goodbye to Casey, they departed and made their way to their apartment.

Entering the door, they yelled greetings into the house. It was better for them to warn the ladies of their presences rather than run into them doing something gross or weird, like eating ice cream straight from the carton.

They were pleasantly surprised when Ellie and Sarah came bounding down the hallway with smiles on their faces. They were both wrapped into giant hugs.

"Hi, guys!" Ellie greeted them.

"Yeah, hi!" Sarah said as well, before whispering into Chuck's ear. "We need to talk."

With that, the two couples parted ways. Sarah led Chuck into his bedroom, and shut the door.

Chuck was scared. He knew that he looked scared. But from his experience over the past few days, he knew that whenever Sarah had him alone, it was never good.

"Sarah," he began, "I don't know what it is but whatever I did, I want you to know that I', so—"

He was cut off by Sarah's lips on his. She was kissing him. Okay, good. She wasn't mad. But why was she kissing him? Devon and Ellie couldn't see them, so it wasn't to protect their cover. Why were she and Ellie so happy when they got home? Did that have to do with Sarah kissing him now?

He reluctantly broke away from Sarah. "Hey, why are you kis—"

For the second time he was interrupted, although this time it wasn't by a kiss. Instead it was by Sarah's voice, "Chuck, I love you too."

And that was that. They started kissing again, and this time Chuck didn't question it.

* * *

_Author's Note Part Two: So I've become obsessed with Rizzoli & Isles (I love Angie Harmon, it seems. I even wrote her some poetry. Haha). It's an awesome show! And I know that it doesn't fit into this timeline but whatever. I told you it was an AU. Plus, I thought that it worked, kind of. Actually, no. I just started writing stuff and it came out. This chapter was supposed to have Chuck and Devon begging for death, not Charah at the end._

_You should check out Rizzoli & Isles if you haven't yet. It comes on TNT, Mondays at 10/9 Central, so tomorrow! Yay! It stars the lovely Angie Harmon and the equally as lovely Sarah Alexander. _

_XOXO, _

_SLWF_


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